An Interview with a Worthless Generation Z-er about Positivity
"By the way, I lied to my therapist from 15 until I was 22 years old. The shame has gone that deep."
Social media tends to be crawling with Generation Z-ers looking like they are living their best lives.
On Tik Tok, Instagram, YouTube on Snap Chat, you can see them rolling in million-dollar cars, making silly videos on live streams and doing practical jokes on others.
One can watch all of that and think their generation does not know pain. Their generation thinks everything should be handed to them. Their generation does not know what hard work is.
I can think they way if I let my mind get to that point. Thank goodness I have generation Z friends who can tell me otherwise.
I recently had the pleasure of interviewing my friend Sarah, who is 23. I wanted to get her viewpoint on positivity. Little did I know how deep below the surface of the “P” word we were going to get.
From positivity to an in-depth look inside her feelings of worthlessness and how that’s affected her relationships, this interview is insightful.
(Unfortunately, I did not record the interview, so the questions and answers are paraphrased with Sarah’s approval. Btw, Sarah’s name is not really Sarah :)).
Me: What comes to mind when you hear the word positivity?
Being grateful for the good that is in your life. I keep thinking that other people have it much worse than I do. If anything, life can be much, much worse. Being grateful helps my mental health.
Me: Makes sense. I have been thinking about positive mindsets and how that ties to therapy.
Sarah: Yeah, I used to see a therapist, but I lied to my therapist to not discuss certain things I was going through. I know I should have but it’s hard to open up to someone like a therapist, you know what I mean?
Me: I can understand that. Thats why I try to offer space for people who need to talk so that they can feel like they can trust me with what’s going on. Typically, a therapist is a stranger to you, so I get it.
Sarah: Yeah, trust is a big thing. However, a big part of why I wasn’t able to open up is because I felt shame about the things that have happened. They weren’t my fault, and they are hard to talk about, but yeah, I’d feel shame about them. Almost guilty actually.
(When she said this, I knew we hit a deeper spot into her life.)
She continued:
When I was 15, I was trying to kill myself. I had problems at home and developed unhealthy habits to just deal, ya know? It was then where I knew I didn’t understand what gratefulness was. Also, I didn’t know everything that caused the shame, I just knew how I felt and I still deal with those feeling even till this day.
By the way, I lied to my therapist from 15 until I was 22 years old. The shame has gone that deep.
Me: Whoa.
Her: Yeah.
Me: Today, do you feel like shame taught you anything?
Um, yes. Shame taught me life lessons. It taught me what not to do and what to do instead. I know some of the shame came from my parents. They are not super traditional, but they expected things of me that I didn’t agree with.
For one, they did not believe in Mental Health. That was hard.
Me: Oh yeah? So when did you know it was okay to seek Mental Health?
When I was on the hospital bed, fighting for my life. That was when my parents knew I needed to get help. They are Christian and really held on their beliefs about Mental Health, but after seeing my condition, my mom set me up with a therapist.
Despite the fact that I lied to my therapist, I learned a lot of things about myself. I learned that I had bad coping mechanisms. I also learned that I didn’t feel worthy of love.
Like, even til this day, I struggle with that. Even with my relationship now that Im in, I struggle with receiving nice things from him. Just the other day, he cooked for me and I was overwhelmed. Crying. I know how to take it like, “Why are you doing this for me?”
My mother used to make me feel bad for depending on my parents. My father didn’t quite understand her viewpoint. He thought: “We are your parents. We are supposed to get things for you when you need them!”
They just couldn’t agree on that, I guess. I realized it was the shame I got from my mother that made it hard for me to receive good things from people. It was as if I owed them something back for what they did.
(Side note: At this point, I realized why many romantic relationships are affected by this kind of behavior. Her thoughts gave me profound insight for those who struggle with receiving anything from others.)
Me: What is one positive thing you see about your life now?
I have things to look forward to. I’m in college, getting my degree. I’m making my own money and saving it. I have reasons to think more positive than before.
Me: What is the first lesson you would share with another 23-year-old who is struggling with the same types of issues as you (i.e. self-love)?
Sarah: Learn how to love being alone. You don’t have to be alone all the time, but it is a real healthy thing to learn healthy habits for yourself that way when you connect with others, your relationships will be better.
Me: What are some good habits that you do now?
Her: I don’t have any good habits, but I will say that besides empathy being the best trait, having a work ethic is really good. I work two jobs
(As she said that, I sensed she thought her answer was not a great answer. I’m glad she was honest by saying she does not practice good habits. Good change always starts from an honest viewpoint with self.)
Me: Not to insinuate anything about you, do you think you work too much?
Her: Yes. I mean, I don’t have to work as much as I do, but I do. My mom provides for things like rent. I pay for my groceries and other things like that.
Me: How important is rest to you?
Her: Not important enough. I do get sleep so its not like I work all of the time, but sometimes I sleep too much. Some days, I struggle to get out of bed. That’s why I’m thankful for work. Knowing I have to work makes me get out of bed and be active.
At one point, I had a coke addiction so working helped me ween off that. In fact, routine and structure helps me operate. Thats what work provides me.
Me: Here’s another deep question. What is one thing you would say to your 15-year-old self on that hospital bed?
Her: This is not all that there is. You will become independent. Not everything will be dictated by your parents. Also, people have been through worse.
During that time, I was told I was a burden and could not receive kindness without mom and dad making me feel guilty. I don’t know. I used to think that I was pretty worthless back then and still have thoughts like that now.
Because of what’s happened in the past, it’s hard for me to trust people. And it’s a common thing. My partner, for example, is scared I will cheat on him. He’s gotten better about it but for some reason, he would always share how scared he was. I could not handle dating someone who is like how he was. Trust is a big thing to have.
Me: I saw Wicked the other day, and a major theme of the story is about being seen. What does being seen mean to you?
Her: It means having my feelings be validated. I struggled with that too, though. I have an addictive type of personality, so I have an ample need to be seen.
Me: Interesting. What else you would say to someone who wants to another 23-year-old?
Her: Know what you want and do what you want to enjoy life. Nice things aren’t just handed to you. You can do anything you want. Also, have a work ethic.
Me: You mentioned being happy. Do you think people should always be happy?
Her: No. That’s impossible. No one can always be happy. If they are, something is wrong. I’m saying, acknowledge that your pain exists and know you can have happiness. Being happy all the time is not normal.
Me: Good stuff! Thank you so much for doing this interview with me!
Her: No problem!
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If you made it all the way through the interview, thank you for reading it. I know it was a lot to go through!
Please feel free to share this post if you feel like this will help others have the freedom to talk about their issues.